The Underwhelming Alien Abduction features:

• Crafted with a special grip-coated frame to eliminate slippage when sweating.
• Snug, lightweight frame with a comfortable fit that prevents bouncing during time travel.
• Glare-reducing, polarized lenses with UV400 protection block 100% of harmful UVA and UVB rays from robot overlords.
• A futuristic one-lens frame that’ll convince people you traveled here from the future to warn us about the AI takeover.